fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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