I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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