another moral hangover. fuck.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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