he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
