he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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