Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
