so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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