Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
