Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
