Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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