I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dick has a subreddit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
