He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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