I queefed so loud it echoed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
