I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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