Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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