I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
