Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
