I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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