Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
