Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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