remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
