i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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