I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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