Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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