My cat gives me a boner
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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