this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
