if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
