i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
