After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
