would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
