why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Farmville is her only friend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
