im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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