if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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