I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Alive.
So much puke
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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