So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
