That's when you crack a 10am beer
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
found the other keg... it's in the tree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
