4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
