my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
birth control should be required to get into college
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
