I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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