Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
