the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
