I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
