I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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