one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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