Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont even know how to be here
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
