so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His hands were made for my vagina.
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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