My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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