Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
