She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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