the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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