You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
