I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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