I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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