if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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