yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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