woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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