I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
