so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
