then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
