We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
