I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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