ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
