I'm going to jail i love you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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