Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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