i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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