You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
