Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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