well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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