i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
