The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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