Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
