found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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