hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
