Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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